To Gain the Whole World

Description:

Finally, the definitive story of the 2016 Presidential election and the inside-the-beltway details about the falsely convicted rapist who seeks the Republican nomination and the political operative whose overweening ambition to be First Lady has such momentous consequences, both intended and unintended.

The unfortunately named Baudelaire seems the least likely of presidential candidates. To Jezy Vici, however, the National Sex Offender Registry is merely another means to increase name recognition. Via a hilarious cascade of dirty tricks, chutzpah, and strategic masterstrokes, she guides her lover through his election to Congress. In the Republican presidential debates, he is the only candidate to present a coherent program to help the economy, create jobs, and reduce political polarization, but when he shoves an opponent, who falls breaking his coccyx, Baud’s campaign takes off. With wing-nut billionaires targeting him, evangelicals convinced he’s the Antichrist, and a Democratic congresswoman, married to Jezy’s ex-fiancé, pressuring him to switch parties, Baud comes up with a scheme too reckless even for Jezy.

Anticipated Praise from the 2012 Republican presidential
frontrunners, speaking on guarantee of anonymity.

"Nine nine nine out of a possible one-thousand."
- Token pizza godfather

"Ranks with Ludwig’s Napoleon, William Manchester’s The Last Lion, and Robert Caro’s The Power Broker, as one of the greatest political biographies of all time. Best of all, it relates the history of events that have not yet happened and is even funnier than those tomes."
- The world’s highest paid historian, who cheated on his dying wife while trying to get the President impeached for having oral sex.

"Made me wet to my knees."
- Swiss citizen, who advised clients how to evade taxes while her husband ran Sexual Preferences Are Preferences clinics purporting to turn gay men into heterosexuals, via electroshock.

"There are three great things about the book: its fascinating  characters, its riveting plot and let’s see… One, two… Ooops."
- State governor who flunked out of Texas A&M

"Forty-seven percent of the people will love this book no matter what. My job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
–Some rich dude, who tied his dog to the roof of the car on family driving vacations.

"Most immoral book in the entire 5773 year history of the Universe."
- The biggest loser in any Pennsylvania senatorial election, who’s name is defined in the Urban Dictionary as “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.